A song in my heart

^{Psalm 34 17 - 20}

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all

 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

It has been a long winter.  Not just in weather, but in pain and trial. I have not sung in so long.  You know when I am sick  because I stop singing everywhere I go.  This week every day there has been an increase in my heart and suddenly I am singing again. 

I have spent weeks listening to worship music.... soaking and listening to the Father Heart of God.  The past few weeks have been really difficult for me.  I have known the Father's love in the midst of the hardest trial.  I have felt His presence.... and now my heart is full of love and joy again.  I can sing my heart out in the car, I can hum as I cook the dinner.....  I feel like my winter is coming to an end and I can see the sun shining in the distance. 

Psalm 40

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

⁴ Blessed is the one
    who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
    to those who turn aside to false gods.
⁵ Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened—
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷ Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸ I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

The Irony

So perhaps it was dangerous to post about wilderness times... or perhaps it is God's direction before a time of trial.... but I am certainly in a wilderness time.

I think I came home from Bethel all fired up to see God move in power in my church... and then we hit the 'summer season'.  Basically our church stops normal services for about 7 weeks. Some weeks we have had no church, another week was a cream tea afternoon, and a few services with shorter worship sessions and no sermons. I have never been so hungry for more of God.  I am still reading my bible and worshiping at home but I long to see our church filled with the Glory of God.  It bothers me that we all shut down for God over the summer holiday.  I know that God never shuts down on us....  surely we can give him all in every season? 

This week as I faced another 'event' rather than church my spirit cried out for some Godly meat.  We decided to go to another church 30 mins away in Oxford.  St Aldates was our church 15 years ago before we had all our children.  They are a vibrant church of England Church - similar to HTB.  As the worship began I felt like God filled a huge dry well that had become vast over many weeks.  We had the pleasure of taking the children to the kid's work and then listening to an excellent talk about the Holy Spirit.  God's word.  Amazing.  I was really encouraged by a member of their worship team who came straight over to me when they had finished to encourage me about my singing.  He said it was beautiful and really encouraged Him to worship God.  As we left the church the vicar grabbed me by the arm and asked me to wait to talk to him.  He asked me if we were joining his church - when I said that we were only visiting is face dropped.  He said that he was so blessed by our passion for God and it really encouraged him to push more into Him.  He said that he would love people with our passion in his church. 

It was like God was encouraging me. I need to worship God.  I am passionate about Him.  I am passionate that the lost are saved and passionate that the church rise up and give God the glory he deserves. 

An overwhelming day

Today I have been through a huge range of emotions, from feeling so anxious I felt sick to elated and excited.  I woke this morning to find an email sending out all the course choices for Bethel School Of Supernatural Worship.   I am dyslexic and I was completely overwhelmed:  you have to choose 4 elected classes a day form a possible of 12 per session.  Some classes are repeated, some are a series and most are not repeated at all.  So you have to first decide what you want to do, then try and work it so you can attend all the classes you are desperate to attend.  It was a huge mammoth task to choose my options and fit them into the grid.  My wonderful friend Jamie who adores to administrate found the activity fun but it was my worst nightmare.  Hours later, lots of paper drawn all over, and a plan was assembled.  Now I have to wait for the grid to go online so I can choose my selection (1st come 1st served).  So after all that... I may not even get my choices.  A frantic day and I feel totally exhausted.

Ok so after cleaning my house and sorting out the dinner for the family I now taken a look at the choices I have made.  Awesome.  I was so consumed earlier to even think for a second how awesome this is going to be.  Over 400 course choices.... all on the topic of Worship.  I will be in heaven in more ways than one. 

10 days to go now.......... 

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster.  But although I am scared and anxious, I do not want to get off.

Drunk in the Holy Spirit

Well I was excited to be at church today.  I had heard all the reports about the holy spirit stirring in our church over the past few weeks and I came with an expectant heart to see what God was going to do. 

It is amazing really, there were so many technical problems: the worship leader's microphone seemed to malfunction and crackle, for some reason most of the words did not appear on the overhead screen (and some of them were new to us).  Yet despite this God came in power.  You know I am certainly convinced that no matter what the the service is like, if you come with an expectant heart you will meet God.  I met with God.

We had a man called Roger Cole come and preach about the Holy Spirit and healing.  He gave a lot of examples of how God has used him to heal others, in Jesus' name.  He was raising our faith for miracles.  And he did. I sat through him giving lots of prophetic words and then a list of ailments for an alter call.  My afflictions were not mentioned and I sank a little in my chair. 

I had the amazing prophetic word given to me a few months ago about going to Bethel and part of the word was a promise for healing.  So I thought "well I can wait a few more weeks until I am there". But I felt God say that he is as much here as he is there.  I can receive His blessing here too.  In my local church.

So I went forward fro prayer.  I have many things I would love the Lord to heal me from, but I felt I should ask for help with my knee.  It has been sore for about 6 weeks since I stupidly went Jogging on it.  (I am not a small lady and I have had major issues with my pelvis and hips for 8 years now.  I was told to never run....and I had.)  So Janey prayed for my pelvis and hips and as she prayed I felt a warmth in my knee.  I asked the Lord to heal me and to fill me with His Holy Spirit.  I began to feel warm all over and then suddenly I was flat on the floor: completely slain in the spirit, just resting in God's presence.  It felt great. When I finally got up from the floor with all the children looking at me worryingly.  I felt so out of it: like I was drunk.   I have never seen anyone slain in our church... so it was unusual to be seen I am sure.

So have I been healed?  I really don't know.  I know I have no pain in my knee or hips, but I will need to get out and walk to see if the healing has been done.

I am leading next week....  I would love to see more people completely filled with the holy spirit.  I can see the Lord moving and I know as we expect to see God move in power we will.  It reminds me about what Will Matthews said when I chatted to him after the Bethel UK Tour in Bath last month.  Someone had asked him whether it was normal for the Holy Spirit to be so tangible when they lead worship: he said that the Holy spirit lives in the people who come and worship and so the spirit moves when the people come with expectant hearts. 

So my expectation for next Sunday is definitely raised...  I cannot wait to see what God does.

Great talk by Kim Walker-Smith

Whilst listening to worship music on YouTube I came across this talk by Kim Walker-Smith.  It is great and sums up how I feel about true worship.  It is all about an encounter with God and a connection with Him.  She talks about how we need to spend time with God to keep the connection, and fight to keep the connection.  As she says if we all came to Church on a Sunday morning, already connected and ready to bring God some glory, what would worship look like then?

It is about 50 mins long but well worth the time spent listening to it. :)

Bethel UK Tour

I had the most amazing time last night at the Bethel UK Tour in Bath City Church.  We arrived to find the queue wrapping around the building.  It was a beautiful art deco theater and we ended up right at the very top of the building.  I am very wobbly with heights and this was very very high.  I didn't have much leg room and it was extremely hot.  I could not see the stage very clearly and I was grumpy to say the least.  Then the band came on and Just prayed for the Holy spirit to come.  We waited and it came... like a fire.  We were all connected, we were ready and then we were off.

I forgot about the height, I didn't care that I couldn't see the band clearly (I could see God) and I made a break from my row and danced my socks off in the fire exit gangway.  I have never known worship like it:  I felt the presence of God so tangibly.  The worship team pointed to heaven and we all went there.  As the evening progressed I saw an empty seat further down the balcony nearer the front and I seized it as my own.  Then by the very end I turned to look for my friend and noticed she was not there... then I saw her head bobbing up and own at the very front next to the stage.  I ran down the stairs, pushed my way to the front and jumped like I have never jumped before.  If the roof had not been so secure I am sure it would have blown right off.

Not great qualilty but here is a clip of the evening posted on Youtube:

After the meeting the band were in the foyer chatting to people.  Praying for people.  No star status, just wanting to pass on their passion.  I talked to several of the people including Will Matthews and Jeremy Riddle:

Ok so it is a terrible picture of me... but you can see from the picture how happy I was and how friendly he was.  In fact I think my face stayed that colour for some time after the jumping ended.  Jeremy prayed that I would have the grace to leave my kids next month to attend the Bethel School of Supernatural Worship in California.  He said that he had 5 kids and found it hard leaving them too.  Will Matthews was telling me about the classes he is teaching and thought I should definitely come to those.  They did sound up my street so I will look forward to choosing my classes in the next few weeks. 

4 Weeks to go until I am at Bethel worshiping like that every day for 2 whole weeks.  I am going to LOVE it.

New beginnings

So I wanted to start a blog about Worship. Here it is.  I know that I am going to have so much to say on the subject.  But First let me tell you about my trip to Bethel:

I can’t quite believe that I am going to America, let alone going to be submerged in worship for 2 weeks.  John 1st came up with the idea after being told by God to encourage me in my worship leading and song writing.  I said no on all counts.  The thought of leaving my children for that long and flying alone (which is one of my worse fears) filled me with dread.  I did pray about it and although God said I should go….. I still decided not to.  Then John was on my case and I decided to apply as I thought I would definitely not get in.  I was accepted.  :o  I then decided I still couldn’t go.  I was torn between knowing it would be an amazing experience and feeling guilty for taking some time away from my family.  Then only 2 days later a new mum at school came up to me (I did not know her) and told me she had a word for me.  It was a long word and was full of promises but the beginning of it made me physically shake.  She said that God is telling me to go…… on a long journey, much further than I wanted to go.  It was on an aeroplane to a place very far away to spend time submerged in worship.  She said that God was clear that I had to go. God was going to anoint me there for the things he has for me to do in worship when I get back. I was utterly gobsmacked.  God spoke to me.  To me.  Directly.  So here I am getting ready for a journey of a lifetime, excited and nervous, but I feel I am doing Gods will so he will look after me.