I'm a mess

"I'm a mess I'm a mess I'm a mess right now,
Don't fix me up, just lay me down
You fill me up to pour me out
And I am undone"

It doesn't matter where we are with God...  It doesn't matter if we are a mess, or in a mess.  When we come to God and just lay before Him he fills us up...  but not to just to a where we can function again, but to overflowing.  God brings order in chaos, He breathes life into dry bones, He rescues the lost, He heals the sick.....

If you are in a mess, if you are a mess just ask God to lay you down and fill you up.  When we are undone by God we will never be the same.

God's Hand or His face

I have been really enjoying soaking in the presence of God these past few weeks.  It is amazing how we can rush from place to place doing 'good works' for the Lord.  We can become tired, burnt out and even feel guilty that we not are doing all we can for God and his Kingdom.  I know that this is certainly the case for me.  Recently I have felt so tired and burnt out, so guilty for having to lay things down while John and I recover from all our trauma the last few months.  Have I been made to feel guilty?  Partly.  Have I placed the guilt on myself?  Yes.   Do I think that God only loves me when I am 'doing'?

I have taken time the past few weeks to pray, worship and commune with my God.  It is funny how we often spent most of our prayer time asking God for things.  You know when life hits the fan and you have a choice.... do you bury yourself in self pity or dig deep.  Do you spend the whole time asking God to rescue you from your circumstances or do you ask God what He has for you in the desert?  

I think I was praying for healing when I first went into hospital in September,  then when I went in again in November I was asking God why He had forsaken me, then when in December John chopped his hand in two with a circular saw I began to realise that God was getting my attention and started to ask what He had for us in this time.  What I have learnt has blown me away.  Am I seeking God's hand or His face?

His hand is all the stuff he does for us.  I know He does a lot, but when things are not going the way we think they should do we think he has forsaken us?  I have 4 children.  I love love love them.  They are precious to me.  I love them because they are mine, I made them!  I love it when they do stuff for me, no one can complain when the washing up is all done and someone has paired the socks, but I love them... not because of what they do - but because they are mine and I love them.  God loves us like this... it is not what we 'do' that makes him love us...  He just plain loves us because He made us and we are His.  The revelation I have had is that this is how He wants us to love Him too.....  Not what he does for us... but for who He is.  When life is hard, when life is frankly chaos...  If we seek God for who He is and not just for what He does  - we see God's face and not His hand.  The face of God is a wonderful, precious awesome thing that fills every corner of our soul.  

Job said in chapter 42 v 5

^"My ears had heard of you
    but now my eyes have seen you."
                                             
Job bless His soul had the most terrible series of catastrophes that make my past few months look like a walk in the park.....  but even though his friends told him to deny God and die (just get it over with) Job chose to seek God.  He turned from seeking God's hand and he saw the face of God.  

I feel like I have seen the face of God.  

Have you ever felt hunger?   Sometimes I am hungry....  I think it is a physical hunger so I eat but that doesn't satisfy.  Then I might turn on the TV to numb the feeling, but really it is still there so I get out my knitting.  Although now watching, eating and knitting I am using all parts of my body I am still hungry - a deep hunger.  Well let me tell you the face of God more than quenches that hunger.  We were made to commune with God.  


Adam and eve took evening walks in the garden in the cool of the evening.  Just think how awesome that must have been - to spend time just walking together with God.  I don't think Adam was asking God for anything, I think he probably felt pretty amazing in God's presence.  Then the fall - suddenly we are toiling, dying, bleeding and having to seek God's hand.  But we can through the blood of Jesus still have that beautiful communion with God.  Even Moses could not look at the face of God.... but through Jesus we can see the face of God and not die.

I am so satisfied in His presence I just can not get enough of it.  I know we should not ' be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4 v 6)', and I do this a lot...  but also I have really loved this intimacy with the Father by seeking His presence more than His works.

^"My ears had heard of you
    but now my eyes have seen you."