Worship in the waiting

I know I have not written for a while.  A lot has been going on and I have not felt able to write on here until I knew for certain what God wanted me to do. As things become clearer I will begin to map my journey.

In the mean time my gorgeous husband has written this blog post....  Worship in the waiting :)  Hope you enjoy it.


Recently I've been struck by the story of the golden calf.  You know the one.  God sends Moses to lead His people out of Egypt.  God sends ten plagues until Pharaoh let's them go and the Egyptians give them gold items to take with them.  Then they get delivered across the red sea.  And fed manna in the desert and water from the rock.  They then come to Mount Sinai where Moses heads up to commune with God whilst

'When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him."' (Ex 32:1 NIV)

Now I confess when I read this story I tend to think "How daft can they be?  After all God has done for them - how could they do such a stupid thing?".  So when I read it I quietly distance myself (like the Pharisee from the tax collector) and say I would never do such a thing.  And I don't think I'm the only one...

Why then is it natural for us to think this?  Well we know what's happening.  We can see the full picture (and hindsight is a wonderful thing) - we know Moses is alive and well and chatting with God and that God will keep all the promises He made to them.

The question is: if we didn't know this, would our reaction change?

Let's look closer at the story then.  What caused them to do this?  Notice what happened in Ex 32:1.  Things were taking longer than expected and so they turned to worship something else.

Does that happen in our lives?  Does God give us some great plans, we set off on them and feel such an exhilaration as we embark on the journey, we are going for God, our prayer life is exploding, we're on a high...but then things start to take longer than expected and after a while we start to lose heart.  After not too much longer we start filling our time with something other than God - after all, He's not delivered on His promises (at least in the time frame we had in mind) so maybe He's a bit busy or we're not important to Him, or we misheard or maybe....He can't be trusted.

So what do we do?  If God can't be trusted then where do we go to get our comfort?  And in a short while we are turning to something else to satisfy us and have started worshipping something other than God in the waiting...

Sound familiar?  It is for me.

One of the best verses quoted out of context has to be:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11 NIV)

When did He say this? Well the people of Judah had just been exiled to Babylon and there were prophets saying that they would soon be restored back to their land.  But God puts them right and says don't listen to them - you will be here for 70 years first - so get used to it - build houses and settle down. This verse is calling us to trust God when He has ordained an extended period of waiting for He is faithful.

I think this song from Aaron Keyes captures the heart of this.


As he says about his album:

"In our stillness, He will be exalted. In our worship, He wars. In our waiting, He works"

God is at work in the waiting, He hasn't changed His mind (Num 23:19).  There is purpose in the waiting (and much has to do with our character development which is why it's always longer than we expect).  Can we remain faithful and seek comfort in Him and trust Him for the timing of His promises?

Robby Dawkins

A few days ago we caught wind that Robby Dawkins was in the UK.   We decided to drive for over an hour in the driving rain to get to the Vinyard Church he was preaching at.  It was such a blessing to meet him and discuss the making of the Father of Lights, Finger of God and Furious Love films.  As I had met up with Darren Wilson only a few months ago it was great to hear Robby's take on the films.  He also let me get a cheesy photo as is becoming a tradition for me :)

We managed to hear him preach twice in 2 days and were really inspired by his testimonies of healings and lives being turned around.  It raises faith to hear what God is doing all over the world.  In essence we heard that faith is spelt R I S K and it doesn't matter who you are, or how old you are, or how long you have been a Christian, you already have everything you need to heal in Jesus' name:  you just have to step out. 

A really nice guy with an amazing ministry. 

I'm a mess

"I'm a mess I'm a mess I'm a mess right now,
Don't fix me up, just lay me down
You fill me up to pour me out
And I am undone"

It doesn't matter where we are with God...  It doesn't matter if we are a mess, or in a mess.  When we come to God and just lay before Him he fills us up...  but not to just to a where we can function again, but to overflowing.  God brings order in chaos, He breathes life into dry bones, He rescues the lost, He heals the sick.....

If you are in a mess, if you are a mess just ask God to lay you down and fill you up.  When we are undone by God we will never be the same.

God's Hand or His face

I have been really enjoying soaking in the presence of God these past few weeks.  It is amazing how we can rush from place to place doing 'good works' for the Lord.  We can become tired, burnt out and even feel guilty that we not are doing all we can for God and his Kingdom.  I know that this is certainly the case for me.  Recently I have felt so tired and burnt out, so guilty for having to lay things down while John and I recover from all our trauma the last few months.  Have I been made to feel guilty?  Partly.  Have I placed the guilt on myself?  Yes.   Do I think that God only loves me when I am 'doing'?

I have taken time the past few weeks to pray, worship and commune with my God.  It is funny how we often spent most of our prayer time asking God for things.  You know when life hits the fan and you have a choice.... do you bury yourself in self pity or dig deep.  Do you spend the whole time asking God to rescue you from your circumstances or do you ask God what He has for you in the desert?  

I think I was praying for healing when I first went into hospital in September,  then when I went in again in November I was asking God why He had forsaken me, then when in December John chopped his hand in two with a circular saw I began to realise that God was getting my attention and started to ask what He had for us in this time.  What I have learnt has blown me away.  Am I seeking God's hand or His face?

His hand is all the stuff he does for us.  I know He does a lot, but when things are not going the way we think they should do we think he has forsaken us?  I have 4 children.  I love love love them.  They are precious to me.  I love them because they are mine, I made them!  I love it when they do stuff for me, no one can complain when the washing up is all done and someone has paired the socks, but I love them... not because of what they do - but because they are mine and I love them.  God loves us like this... it is not what we 'do' that makes him love us...  He just plain loves us because He made us and we are His.  The revelation I have had is that this is how He wants us to love Him too.....  Not what he does for us... but for who He is.  When life is hard, when life is frankly chaos...  If we seek God for who He is and not just for what He does  - we see God's face and not His hand.  The face of God is a wonderful, precious awesome thing that fills every corner of our soul.  

Job said in chapter 42 v 5

^"My ears had heard of you
    but now my eyes have seen you."
                                             
Job bless His soul had the most terrible series of catastrophes that make my past few months look like a walk in the park.....  but even though his friends told him to deny God and die (just get it over with) Job chose to seek God.  He turned from seeking God's hand and he saw the face of God.  

I feel like I have seen the face of God.  

Have you ever felt hunger?   Sometimes I am hungry....  I think it is a physical hunger so I eat but that doesn't satisfy.  Then I might turn on the TV to numb the feeling, but really it is still there so I get out my knitting.  Although now watching, eating and knitting I am using all parts of my body I am still hungry - a deep hunger.  Well let me tell you the face of God more than quenches that hunger.  We were made to commune with God.  


Adam and eve took evening walks in the garden in the cool of the evening.  Just think how awesome that must have been - to spend time just walking together with God.  I don't think Adam was asking God for anything, I think he probably felt pretty amazing in God's presence.  Then the fall - suddenly we are toiling, dying, bleeding and having to seek God's hand.  But we can through the blood of Jesus still have that beautiful communion with God.  Even Moses could not look at the face of God.... but through Jesus we can see the face of God and not die.

I am so satisfied in His presence I just can not get enough of it.  I know we should not ' be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (Philippians 4 v 6)', and I do this a lot...  but also I have really loved this intimacy with the Father by seeking His presence more than His works.

^"My ears had heard of you
    but now my eyes have seen you."

A song in my heart

^{Psalm 34 17 - 20}

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all

 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

It has been a long winter.  Not just in weather, but in pain and trial. I have not sung in so long.  You know when I am sick  because I stop singing everywhere I go.  This week every day there has been an increase in my heart and suddenly I am singing again. 

I have spent weeks listening to worship music.... soaking and listening to the Father Heart of God.  The past few weeks have been really difficult for me.  I have known the Father's love in the midst of the hardest trial.  I have felt His presence.... and now my heart is full of love and joy again.  I can sing my heart out in the car, I can hum as I cook the dinner.....  I feel like my winter is coming to an end and I can see the sun shining in the distance. 

Psalm 40

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

⁴ Blessed is the one
    who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
    to those who turn aside to false gods.
⁵ Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened—
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷ Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸ I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”